Toby-Ziegler-in-Training

ANORA

2006-04-12T14:31:58Z

This is an update about how incredibly happy my new RPG campaign makes me. It may seem stupid to get so excited about a roleplaying game, but really, everything is just aligned perfectly. I have an incredible (and enthusiastic) cast that works perfectly with me in every way to heighten the storytelling experience, a set of gripping stories that my players are excited about, I'm personally at the apex of my GMing skill...

Man, I'm just so excited about the darn thing. I have to run it over AIM and I still have a fanatically loyal following. And the story is working so well that I'm seriously thinking about getting back into fiction writing so as to novelize it.

Wow. Just, wow.

yoinked from West Wing. appropriate, though.

2006-03-21T17:01:02Z

hace credam a deo pio? a deo justo? a deo schito? cruciatas en crucem. tu terras servitus, nuntias fuy, officiem perfeche. cruciatus en crucem! eas en crucem!

because it was asked for...

2006-01-10T08:46:39Z

this update is here solely to please penguin85

The obligatory once-every-three-months update

2005-10-18T21:19:22Z

Insanely jealous that goldenmist gets to live in a town with a ZOMBIE LURCH. I want a zombie lurch. I could use some nice tasty braaaaaaaaaaains...

Meanwhile, life seems to be beginning to blossom for me around here, despite my utter and complete social ineptitude. Man, I thought I'd gained some skill at, you know, personal interaction at Grinnell. Ehhhh, wrong! Oh well. Pretty soon I should be busy (in fun as well as stressful ways) which will serve as an anesthetic until people actually like me (assuming I don't annoy them all to death before that happens).

On the slate for arranging in the near future:
-Dork movie nights (Whedon watchings up!)
-A campaign in either the WoD or BESM, perhaps the BESM universe I'm using in my ongoing Grinnell campaign
-medieval dance using lessons taught me by the lovely and fabulous [kelleyka].

I'm also watching intently as Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Karl Rove, and Harriet Miers all face being pilloried. I don't understand why the conservatives are so opposed to her -- she seems to me to be far more what they want than Roberts -- but hey, she scares me, and I want her to go down, so, for the moment, enemy of my enemy...

herodotusjr already joked about wanting to play a Baali in my online Foundations campaign (to which indarae is also welcome though I forgot to send her the e-mail, sorry dear). Since I specifically disallowed them, I believe he did this just to get my goat. Why oh why do friends of mine so love to do that. Oh well, it should be a fun game when I get it going.

Meanwhile, it's long days full of work work work work work...

*Sigh*

NOW I've found Serenity!

2005-10-01T02:39:12Z

Ah, Joss Whedon, the love that never lets you down... *happy*

(in case anyone is curious the movie was sexy like a whole pack of minxes. SEE IT. SEE IT NOW.)

There's no place I can be, since I found Serenity...

2005-09-30T16:15:59Z

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.

Just about 7 or 8 hours until I'm watching it!!!!!

CAN'T. WAIT......

yaaaaay!

2005-04-03T09:07:21Z

I just found out that I can GM for 5 1/2 hours almost entirely off-the-cuff. I rock. :)

oh sleep, why do you taunt me so?

2005-02-04T16:21:13Z

I had a dream last night where I was in a big, fancy gym (why, I can't imagine), and I walked over to a crowd of Grinnellians -- all my friends -- and there he was. Alive and well. I was just thinking how relieved Aven and his father were going to be when I woke up and realized that no, it had just been a dream...

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
And the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven
I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls
And all at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California
I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2am
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass...

stolen from indarae

2005-02-04T02:43:34Z

For starters ...
* [Wallet] brown leather deal
* [Hairbrush] wooden handle, light brown
* [Toothbrush] orange and blue, I think
* [Jewelry Worn Daily] none, unless my watch counts
* [Blanket] dark blue one
* [Facewash] water
* [Coffee Cup] the Pura Vida ones from the Forum
* [Sunglasses] I wish I had them
* [Shoes] New Balance tennis shoes (best brand ever!), or Cole Haans for formal events
* [Favourite Shirt] hmmm... probably my NSO sbirt from last year. It glows in the dark and has "sketchy" written on the back!
* [Favourite Pants] dunno
* [CD In Stereo Right Now] None. Listening to Counting Crows on MP3, though.
* [Tattoos].... oh god no
* [Piercings] see above
* [What You Are Wearing Now] collar t-shirt, black sweater, khakis, socks, glasses, watch
* [Hair] brown curly hair, though it's cut short so you can't see the curls too well

When was the last time you ...
* [Smiled] not sure. earlier today almost certainly.
* [Laughed] hmmm... yesterday I think, though i don't remember what at
* [Cried] Monday. Hysterically. For about an hour.
* [Bought] Dinner. A chicken salad sandwich and large Coke from the Forum.
* [Danced] Winter Waltz last year. Or the last SCA dance session, if medieval dance counts. Whichever came last.
* [Were Sarcastic] Yesterday, I think.
* [Had A Nightmare] during the nap I just took.
* [Last Book You Read] hmm... not sure
* [Last Movie You Saw] ummm... House of Flying Daggers, I think
* [Last Thing You Had To Drink] Coke
* [Last Thing You Had To Eat] chicken sald sandwich (mmmmm...)

Fashion:
* [Do You Wear A Watch] yes
* [How Many Coats And Jackets Do You Own] 3 big puffy winter ones and my leather jacket.
* [Favorite Pants Color] khaki probably
* [Most Expensive Item Of Clothing] leather jacket
* [Describe Your Style In One Word] sophisticated. or "preppy," if you listen to my friends.

Your Friends:
* [Do Your Friends Know You] Yes
* [Are There Traits In You That Are Universally Liked?] ummm... well, given that the few people who hate me think I'm Evil Incarnate, I doubt it. Among my friends, however, I'm well known for kindness, loyalty, and dependability.
* [How Many People Do You Tell Everything To] The wonderful Christina Gargiullo, and probably a couple in my Band of Brothers and Sisters

Music;Television;Books:
* [Favourite Band Ever] Counting Crows all the way, baby
* [Type of Music Most Listened To] hmm... either Counting Crows, folk, or a capella
* [Type Never Listened To] COUNTRY
* [Favourite Book?] ENDER'S GAME

General Questions:
* [Sunny or Rainy Day] sunny
* [Do You Consider Yourself Lucky] yes
* [Do You Feel Pity For People Who commit Suicide] I suppose that's one way of putting it. Mostly, I wonder what their lives must have been like.
* [Choose One Word To Describe How You Most Often Feel] inadequate, incomplete
* [Is There More Than One Zipper On Your Pants] no.....
* [Do You Own Braces] no, though my friends often have to brace themselves for my puns...
* [Does Your Hairstyle Exceed A Height Of Three Inches] not anymore
* [Would You Classify Your Hair As A Deadly Weapon] no
* [Do You Own A Bandana] yes. for my LARP character. though sometimes I wear it casually, too.
* [Are You Amused By Safety Pins] No
* [Have You Ever Used Duct Tape As A Sewing Substitute] No
* [Do You Like Candles] Yes.
* [Do You Believe In Love] Depends on your definition.
* [Do You Believe In Soul Mates] Yes
* [Do You Believe In Love At First Sight] No. My idea of love is too complex for that.
* [What Do You Want Done With Your Body When You Die] Buried or cremated. Under a tombstone that says "Here lies one whose name was writ in fire."
* [What Are You Gonna Do When You Get Older] be a speechwriter, maybe have a family
* [How Many Songs Do You Have On Your Computer] not sure.
* [What Band Are You Listening To] Counting Crows
* [Look Out Your Window... Tell Me What You See] the house next door
* [If You Could Have Any Animal For A Pet] Kitty
* [What Is The Longest You Ever Stayed Up] 24 hours

Habits;Beliefs:
* [Are You Disgruntled] sometimes
* [Are You An Anarchist?] nope. I'm economically liberal and socially Libertarian (in that I believe that, as long as someone makes a free, uncoerced choice, and their choice harms no one else, people should be allowed to do pretty much whatever they want.)
* [Do You Smoke Cigarettes?] no no no never
* [Are You A Vegetarian?] no
* [Do You Think Meat Is Murder] no. lots of animals kill other animals for food. why shouldn't we?
* [Have You Ever Slept In An Alley Or Park] no
* [Do You Wash Your Hair Less Than Once A Week] no, shower every day, wash my hair every shower
* [Have You Ever Gone A Week Without A Shower?] don't think so. not for a very very very long time, anyway.

About Me:
* [Age] 22
* [Birthday] September 22, 1982. (Bilbo and Frodo's birthday. I was meant to be a fantasy nerd!)
* [Sign] Virgo, though I'm a major cusp baby
* [Location] Grinnell, Iowa. Likely to relocate soon to Iowa City.
* [Status] content, mostly
* [Crush] it's not really a crush, since we're dating, but I'm very attracted to Christina Gargiullo. In every way.
* [Natural Hair Colour] brown
* [Current Hair Colour] see above
* [Eye Colour] blue
* [Height] 6'7"
* [Shoe size] 15D
* [Parents] mother Mary Ann, a kind and providing woman with a huge overprotectiveness streak and a temper, and father Bennett, a good-hearted, well-intentioned condescending bastard who I will never be able to satisfy.
* [Siblings] one biological sister, one sister of the soul, a band of brothers and sisters
* [Live With] my computer

Favourites:
* [Number] 42
* [Color] not sure
* [Day] Friday, after 11:50 am
* [Month] hmmm... August (and everything after)
* [Song] hmmm... maybe Anna Begins. or maybe Master of the House, from Les Mis. or maybe something a capella. that's a toughy.
* [Movie] hmmm... I'll get back to you.
* [Food] CHOCOLATE
* [Season] spring, when the world is mud luscious...
* [Class] Literary Theory. Steve Andrews rocks.
* [Teacher] this semester? Andrews. Overall? Brand.
* [Drink] Dr. Pepper or Canada Dry ginger ale
* [Veggie] carrots
* [Television Show] West Wing
* [Radio] dunno
* [Store] hmmm... not sure
* [Word] ambiguity (ask tess_nightoak about this one.
* [Animal] Cat
* [Flower] good question. I'm allergic to many of them.

This;That:
* [Me;You] huh?
* [Coke;Pepsi] Coke
* [Day;Night] day
* [CD;Cassette] cd
* [DVD;VHS] dvd
* [Jeans;Khakis] khakis
* [Car;Truck] car
* [Tall;Short] tall
* [NSync;BSB] Counting Crows

johnnytexas @ 2005-01-31T10:46:00

2005-01-31T16:46:52Z

Thomas's memorial service was yesterday. Those things are supposed to provide closure. Instead, it just made me miss him all over again. Damn this world and all the pain it brings.

I hate Bush

2005-01-06T20:53:57Z

They're about to confirm a bastard who can't seem to give a direct answer to any question put to him as Attorney General. JT is a pissed off person right now.

starting off strong

2005-01-01T08:16:14Z

To supplement the previous entry with the optimism that I'm trying to bring mmore of into my life:

Yes, the past couple of years have sucked. But this next one won't. I have everything going for me. And I'm going to make sure it keeps going. So here's to a year of success, good times with good friends, and wonderful moments with my love.

[gargiull][bandofbrothersandsisters]

The New Year

2005-01-01T07:11:51Z

So around this time, most people are making resolutions. And I've done that, I have one resolution for this year. Only one, but it's of singular importance. (I'll tell anyone who asks.) But the last two years of my life have sucked fairly badly on the whole (though there have been important gains and bright points as well): I've lost no less than five people I considered close friends, one of them permanently lost to death, been through hell and back for at least two people, been suicidal, seen my political idol beaten by a moron, was on the losing side of another election race which I worked very hard for and the candidate for which I respected professionally and liked personally, had an insane girl want my blood for a year, been treated like shit by my father and sister... the list probably goes on.

So, this year, I'd like to make some New Years Requests, and hope that God and the universe are listening. Thus, here follows my plea. Oh Fates, if you have any justice, please deliver me the following:

-Many happy hours and weeks and months spent in the company of the wonderful Christina Gargiullo
-No more dead friends (or relatives, or pets, etc.)
-The keeping of at least a few of my friends from Grinnell after graduation (perhaps some of the Band of Brothers and Sisters?)
-No more friends deciding, for whatever reason, that I'm not worth it
-Less anxiety and depression
-A smooth (or at least less than hellish) transition to law school. This includes: survival, preferably with a B average or better, of the academic rigor, the making of new friends, and NOT being widely hated.
-An opportunity or two to see my sister-of-the-soul, the wonderful Sarah indarae.
-The ability toe pass all of my classes
-The world not ending because of Bush (or for any other reason, but try not to let him screw us over too badly, eh?)

There, now, is that too much to ask?

life sucks

2004-12-02T17:28:23Z

I never thought I would say it, but I hate Grinnell. This place, which used to be my home, has lost all positive meaning for me. I hate it. I'm going to spend next semester holed up in Dag House, ticking down the seconds until graduation. I'm just never allowed to love anything, am I?

but I'm not sleepin' anymore...

2004-12-01T08:09:15Z

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life?"

johnnytexas @ 2004-11-29T05:01:00

2004-11-29T11:02:50Z

How do you lose both one of your best friends and, apparently, all sense of self-confidence along with? How do you go on from that? How do you go back to classes? Or feel comfortable showing your face to anyone? Or play video games? Or do anything?

How can I go to sleep at night without fear of what awaits me in my dreams?

on a happier (and more incredulous) note

2004-11-21T22:35:22Z

It is to me a marvel how much I can be loved...

the end draws nigh

2004-11-18T15:59:06Z

I just had my final prereg conference. If I ever needed another reminder that my Grinnell career was coming to a close, I just got it. In spades. I don't know what I"m going to do. Yes, this place is starting to frustrate me, and yes, in some, if not many, ways I'm ready to get out, but I've gained so much here. I went from being utterly alone in the world to having friends who are like brothers and sisters and now a girlfriend. I went from having no confidence, no social skills, and no hope to at least the beginnings of the belief that I can succeed utterly if the setting is right and that maybe I can, as my grandfather used to say, do whatever I put my mind to. I went from feeling like a letdown to having the beginnings of honor about being who I am.

I have so many memories of my long Grinnell odyssey. I remember Thanksgiving with Erin Dajka sophomore year. We're not even friends anymore. That was one of the best days of my four years here. She was the one who gave me my first real hope of acceptance, and in whose company I felt my first moments of warmth. I remember staying up till 7am with Bulfinch, talking. We could go on for hours and hours. I remember my roommate Jason Carpp from first year, demanding that I go outside because the day was so nice. That was how I joined Dag. I remember meeting Slappy (back when he was someone worth knowing) and getting trained by Snake and Lara and Alex. I remember the days back when I loved Dag with all my heart, when it was my favorite thing in my Grinnell life, my Quidditch, as it were, and I could do it for hours on end and never tire. I remember my first LARP, played while my heart was still broken over the loss (as I saw it) of my best friend, clinging to Sarah while I tried to understand the ropes of the World of Darkness. I remember Willie taunting me with math sheets, trying to convert me to the ways of mathematics as I persisted in saying that math was of the devil. I remember my days of puppy love for Janaki. I remember a thousand gaming sessions and my first moonshine (the dance, not the drink) and the day Karna sent me the message on Plans confirming that I did have more friends here than just Erin and Lindsey.

This is the first prolonged happy period in my life since I was 8 years old. And now it's ending. And yes, maybe I'll find something else somewhere else, and maybe eventually I'll come to like it even better, but right now all I can think is: where will I ever find another environment as enriching and fulfilling and satisfying as this one? This place has been my home for over two years now. Everything I know and everyone I love (except for graduated alums like indarae) are here.

What the hell am I going to do now?

random

2004-09-17T20:10:59Z

I miss alumni. Especially indarae, ellemodgud, herodotusjr, and arielgodwin. (This last should send me his address so I can send him a postcard or such.)

That is all.

Buffy!

2004-08-24T06:12:09Z

Thank you, indarae, for addicting me to Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. Once again, you have cursed -- I mean, saved -- my mortal soul.

Thanks, guys.

2004-08-13T15:03:27Z

ellemodgud rocks.

And so does indarae, but of course we already knew that. :)

Whew!

2004-08-05T01:00:56Z

Oh, and the crucifixion didn't happen, folks. I guess I was wrong :)

(Not a word from you, sweetretty or indarae or any of my other friends who like to gloat about how they're right and I'm wrong

they're building a gallows on central campus...

2004-08-04T16:00:52Z

If anyone has any doubts that I'm headed for a complete crucifixion, let those doubts leave your mind now...

I'm not sure if I like either of these...

2004-07-20T02:12:10Z

How to make a johnnytexas

Ingredients:

3 parts jealousy

1 part courage

1 part leadership

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

johnnytexas
Look out for the

m
HOLE

From Go-Quiz.com

Fantasy West Wing White House

2004-07-19T20:44:13Z

Right, I don't like the way the quiz thingie works, so here's my fantasy West Wing White House:

President: John Abramowitz
Vice President: Chad Marzen
Chief of Staff: Karna Barquist
Deputy Chief of Staff: gelishan
Communications Director: herodotusjr (another bearded Jewish guy with an anger management problem, right, Brad? :))
Deputy Communications Director: arielgodwin
Press Secretary: sweetretty

Middle East Policy Advisor: indarae -- cause let's face it, Sarah, dear, you were born for that position, and I just felt wrong putting you anywhere else.
Secretary of Defense: Adrian Barnes

According to the Quiz, my popularity is 72%. Bah! indarae is more popular than I am! Grrrrrr...